I think that the toughest pill to swallow about recovering, is that I have come to find that it is a daily choice. Because the thoughts persist, but there is something inside of me that has opened to the bigger picture, the future. I spent so long down the rabbit hole, but the ice has begun to thaw, and the light has been getting in through the cracks. The thoughts still exist, but for the majority they’re fleeting. I can’t eat without feeling horrible about myself, but I push it away and keep moving forward. My skin aches to be split open, to feel that sharp intake of pain, but I sweat it out. I move forward. For so long I held so much inside, that the last few months have been explosive, emotionally. I’m so lucky to have the people in my life that I do. I’ve been trying so hard to be better. I’m finally going to college at the end of August. My relationship is solid and strong. I’m making the right doctors appointments, going to work everyday. I am doing everything that I am physically and mentally capable of doing. Despite how awful I feel sometimes, I am getting better. I am. I am. I am.
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Joseba Eskubi - More selections from the ongoing series Insomnia and Hypnosia